Apparently ......this letter was actually sent into Veet.... (hair removal
cream maker)
"After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I
decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts
had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach
the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the
deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself
a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote
them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I
waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague
hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all
went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I
didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced
by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given
a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my
head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly
became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around
the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two
veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of
in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.
Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall
into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled
the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I
yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of
and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as
it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish
any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was
sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I
later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I
did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between
the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had
found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was
running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish
there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of
the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only
solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of
the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the
other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the
sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end
pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ".
Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I
hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself
which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her
direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at
11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was
expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange
hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet
removes hair, dignity and self respect........"
cream maker)
"After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I
decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts
had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach
the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the
deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself
a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote
them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I
waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague
hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all
went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I
didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced
by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given
a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my
head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly
became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around
the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two
veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of
in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.
Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall
into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled
the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I
yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of
and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as
it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish
any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was
sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I
later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I
did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between
the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had
found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was
running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish
there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of
the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only
solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of
the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the
other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the
sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end
pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ".
Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I
hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself
which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her
direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at
11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was
expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange
hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet
removes hair, dignity and self respect........"
