Handy Andy

[VicW]

An Aussie Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St

Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.

'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of

godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new

arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

'That's cool' said the Blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

'Which are?' asked the Blonde.

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?

The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year'?

The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I

call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

So the Blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable

thought (I expect you to do the same).

The following morning, St Peter called upon the Blonde and asked if she

had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

The Blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the

answer can be applied to the question.

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions'

St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

'

Only twelve' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

'Easy,' said the Blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of

February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve

seconds.'

St Peter looked at the Blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your

answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his

head.

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the

answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question

absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven.

"Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing

Matilda?'

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to

answer.'

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

'It's Andy.'

'Andy??'

'Yes, Andy,' said the Blonde.

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that,

deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any

longer and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive

at THAT answer?'

'Easy' said the Blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy

boiled.'

And the Blonde entered Heaven....?

... you're singing it now, aren't you…??

Vic.