its the way we tellem

[TobyM]

Did you hear about the magic tractor ? It drove down the lane and turned in to a field Toby I hope you don't mind me editing your joke mate ;-) Nige

 

[** Pending Removal **]

Oh my goodness me Tob's you are bored today aren't you Get the gin out from the bottom drawer of the filing cab and have a mouthwash..............you will feel better

 

[Nigel]

holy frig if they're goin to be that bad we should scrap this section right away

Nige

 

[Nigel]

what about the 2 nuns in the bath ~ one say's to the other nun "where's the soap ?" and the other nun replies "aye your right"

Nige

 

[ExSCA]

Damn - standard is low... reconsidering the section.

 

[Nigel]

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue. What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service. All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said; "Son, I don't think you understand our problem here... these coyotes ain't shaggin' our sheep... they're eatin' 'em!" The meeting never really got back to order. . ..

 

[Nigel]

Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this.... True story. (If you don't understand this, tell your mother, she'll get it!)A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk.After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination Bakery/ice cream parlor.There was only one other patron in the store: Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! She chided herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something! No ice cream cone was in sight..With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar, warm, friendly grin and he said to the woman,"You put it in your purse."

.

 

[Nigel]

Anjali cannot get pregnant......'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around to get a good look'.'A good look?' said Mrs. Patel, her eyes wide with amazement. 'Yes', the photographer replied.. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached, I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' Mrs. Patel leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?' 'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?' 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.' Mrs. Patel fainted !