- Last night I reached for my liquid viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tipp-Ex.
- I woke this morning with a huge correction.
The wife suggested I get myself one of those willy enlargers ....... so I did....she's 21 and her name's Lucy
My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ and
' Then I saw her face now I'm a believer ' .
I went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedophile and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 66. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches, his little face lit up when he tried to walk... Unfortunately, I forgot to remove the sandpaper from the bottom of his cage.
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders.
All I said was, 'hurry up for goodness sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'what wouldyou like for
dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?' I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'. She replied, 'You're having soup
you fat sod, I was talking to the cat!'
Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham .
Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!'Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.
