Jumping Jack Frog

[VicW]

[SIZE=small]A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.[/SIZE]"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"You're gonna luv this…..   The bank manager looks back at her and says… "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan . His old man's a Rolling Stone." 
I bet you're singing it!!
Vic.  

 

[David B.]

In the deep south bible belt of America a hell fire evangelical preacher is berating his flock from his pulpit  for their sexual trangressions" I hear that some of you gathered here today have been a He-ing and a She-ing with each other, whilst you is already married to someone else!!!  Y'all knows who you are, before I shame you myself, get up and leave my church and go to the river cleanse y'selves and pray to the Lord for forgiveness Go on Git!!"With that half the congregation sheepishly get up and leave the church"I also hear that some of you sinners have been a He-ing and a He-ing with each other, the bible says that a  terrible sin!! Y'all knows who you are, before I shame you myself, get up and leave my church and go to the river cleanse y'selves and pray to the Lord for forgiveness Go on Git!!"Quickly about 20 guys leave their seats and scurry out"Thats not all !!! the preacher shrieks building up to a crescendo of righteous religious fervour," I also hear that you women have also been a she-ing and a she-ing thats also a terrible sin! Y'all knows who you are, before I shame you myself, get up and leave my church and go to the river cleanse y'selves and pray to the Lord for forgiveness Go on Git!!"  All the remaining women now in tears rush out of the churchThe preacher looks down on those  still seated and stares at  one  12 year boy left alone in the church, the boy stares back at the preacher, slowly rises from his seat and starts walk out of the church. The preacher shouts after him "Hold on their boy where you going ? you is alright !! you too young to be sinning like the grown ups!!"The boy looks fearfully back at the Preacher and says " I Gotta go as well sir!! ""Why Boy!!??? says the preacher "You aint  Old enough to sin like them ""Oh yes I am !!!says the boy going out the door "I been a me-ing and a me-ing!!"